Today is Monday, the day after an exasperating weekend with a stubborn child. – More stubborn than I, if that’s possible. I got so angry I had to take a break. It took 5 hours out of the house, 2 lattes and putting an iPad on layaway before I calmed down. But I’m resolved to figuring this kid out. As I once told him, “I’m older, bigger and I was here first.” (on earth, that is). He seemed impressed.
Stepmoms have a great advantage – especially if we have our own kids. We are, in fact, MOM 2.0, the upgraded version. So I decided to create a little upgrade notice.
Welcome to MOM 2.0
Mom 2.0 has already raised five kids and knows all of the tricks. She’s seen all of it, and done most of it – well, at least what was popular in the 1980s.
Here’s what MOM 2.0 comes with standard:
- Eyes in the back of my head
- The uncanny ability to know what kids are whispering about
- The ability to tell whether or not you’ve actually had a shower
- Able to intrude the privacy of your room at the worst possible moment
- Networking ability. I’m not afraid to meet your teachers or speak to your incompatible mom who can no longer communicate with your dad.
- MOM 2.0 still comes with RULES CLASSIC, the impervious, timeless operating software. Here’s how RULES work:
Me: “Please put your shoes away. We don’t leave our shoes in the middle of the living room.”
Child: “Why not?”
Me: “Because those are the rules.”
– end of conversation.